The economy is so bad…

Monday, December 15, 2008 by Myke.

…that Mexicans are leaving the US for Mexico.  That’s right folks, they are leaving the US citing layoffs, dwindling job opportunities, and a perceived anti-immigrant sentiment.  Okay, so maybe I marched and protested them every once in a while but come on Ese…it was nothing but love, I swear.

The funny thing is this, some Mexicans are not running for Mexico.  Some of them are going to places that historically have not seen a large population of Mexicans. They are running to place like North Carolina, Georgia, Idaho and Alaska.  ROFLMAO!  I am picturing them showing up in Alaska during the 6 months of light or 30 days of night.  “Mierda Pedro, ¿dónde está el sol?”  I do not want to even go into what will happen when they start to migrate to NC and GA…bad things happen to folks there.  Of course, the local Bubba crew could always show Pedro Inc. what a “tractor pull” is.  If you got that last joke, you are as sick as me and that is scary!

I have a great idea.  Why don’t we all make a run of our own and head to Mexico?  We could get jobs with Nike or making clothes for Martha Stewart.

Just remember folks, we are all immigrants technically.

Some Mexicans leaving US

Posted in Funny | Print | 3 Comments »

“Dirty Scumbag” virus found on iPhone

Monday, December 15, 2008 by Myke.

Ha, I told you those iPhones were evil.  There is a glitch on them that is being considered and named the “Dirty Scumbag” virus.  Of course depending on who you are will determine how much of this story you believe.

This story is from a thread posted on Apple Support.  Just to recap the poor blind and ignorant woman’s plea for help…
“Please help! I took my husband’s i-phone and found a raunchy picture of him attached to an e-mail to a woman in his sent e-mail file (a Yahoo account). When I approached him about this (I think that he is cheating on me) he admitted that he took the picture but says that he never sent it to anyone. He claims that he went to the Genius Bar at the local Apple store and they told him that it is an i-phone glitch: that photos sometimes automatically attach themselves to an e-mail address and appear in the sent folder, even though no e-mail was ever sent. Has anyone ever heard of this happening? The future of my marriage depends on this answer! ”

Seriously…a glitch that pictures just randomly attach themselves to phones…really?!?  First of all, her husband is a lying dirt bag whore and she is a gullible and ignorant twit.  Is this what this world is coming to, we blame technology on everything.  I thought the rule was that we blamed our parents for beating us, our uncle for touching us and the drugs we took.  Whatever happened to the good old days of Jerry Springer when it was always someone else’s fault???  Now it is our phones fault or our laptop/computer that is causing our problems.

Towards the end of the thread you will find her claiming that she has her attorney working on her divorce papers.
“Add that picture to the late night phone calls and some other miscellaneous texts and e-mails that I found … and this is not the first woman … and let’s just say that my atty is working on the divorce complaint.
Nonetheless, I wanted to remain open to the possibility that it was all some big mistake (I think that he is the big mistake) and thank everyone who provided input on this discussion. “

Truthfully, I hope she is following through with the divorce.

Now as funny as this story is, it is also sad and disturbing.  So I decided to pull out to comments made by a couple of users…note - I think they were posted by this ladies husband trying to cover his a$$.

“Susan, it’s most DEFINITELY a glitch. I’ve had it happen several times on my phone, as have my coworkers who use iPhones.  The reason the answers here have been so skeptical is just how rare photo use is with the iPhone, as well as the apps installed on the phone that would cause this. It has to be under very UNUSUAL circumstances that it can happen–yet it can and does frequently.  Please ignore any of the “troll” answers you’re getting causing you grief. (You can find a definition of troll at www.urbandictionary.com )  Hopefully, this bug will be resolved in the next firmware update.”

“This has definitely happened to me a couple times too. At first I thought it was just accidental with the phone being in my pocket and just jumping around, but since the first two times I have made sure I have locked it.  I don’t really know how to fix it but its starting to worry me. My phone has already sent pictures to the girl I like, my grandmother as well as a buddy of mine. Thankfully none of them have been too ranchy.”

And in case anyone was still concerned about the “glitch,” a former Mac Genius gave his official diagnosis: “My professional opinion is that YOUR HUSBAND IS HAVING AN AFFAIR.”

Posted in WTF, Funny | Print | 1 Comment »

Yes, I drive a Ford

Thursday, December 11, 2008 by Myke.

So there is this guy, Chris “The Band Geek”, and he thinks he has surpassed all men now that his little Toyota Supra has been completed and he can race down the street.  So what if the women (ages 12 to 20) get wet panties when you pull up next to them while they are out on the town in Mommy and Daddy’s mini van.

Okay, I admit it, he has a nice car…but…can he actually drive that car???  Anyways, he decided to ZING me today with a picture and it was actually pretty damn funny.  So here it is for all of you to enjoy.

Posted in Funny | Print | 2 Comments »

The Big Three bailout truth revealed…

Thursday, December 11, 2008 by Myke.

I know everyone is pretty steamed about this issue.  The automakers asking for money to cover their over inflated bonus structure has put most of us in a little bit of a tizzy.  Well, leave it to the crack reporting team here at IHateMykeReinhold.com to uncover the truth behind the madness.

Nuff said!

Posted in WTF, Funny | Print | 1 Comment »

You might be a redneck if…

Tuesday, December 2, 2008 by Myke.

…you have ever used any of these pickup lines.

1) Did you fart?
cuz you just blew me away.

2) Are yer parents retarded?
cuz ya sure are special..

3) My Love fer you is like diarrhea .
I can’t hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card?
cuz I’d like to sign you out

5) Is there a mirror in yer pants?
cuz I can see myself in em.

6) If you was a tree & I was a Squirrel,
I’d store my nuts in yer hole.

7) You might not be the best lookin girl here,
but beauty’s only a light switch away.

I know I’m not no Fred Flintstone,
but I bet I can make yer bed-rock.

9) Yer eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

10) If yer gunna regret this in the mornin,
we kin sleep til afternoon.

AND.. the best for last!

11) Yer face reminds me of a wrench,
every time I think of it, my nuts tighten up

Okay, I know those were bad but I promise to get back into posting again.  So please stop all of the hate mail and bitching please…I hear you.

Posted in Funny | Print | No Comments »

Back with a vengeance…

Monday, December 1, 2008 by Myke.

“I jerked off behind a Jiffy Lube.”

“That’s new.”

“Yep.”

“Were you out in the open?”

“Yeah. Cars were moving all about and someone stared at me while I did it.”

“Did he jerk off too.”

“No, it was a woman.”

“Nice.”

“That’s what I thought.”

“How did you react?”

“I kept jerking off.”

“Nice. Did she do anything?”

“I think she called the police.”

“The plot gets thicker”

“Thickens.”

“Whatever. Maybe she was calling a friend to talk about how hot it was.”

“She only dialed a few numbers.”

“Maybe it was a preset.”

“It was the police goddamn it.”

“Did you run?”

“No I finished.”

“Badass.”

“Yep”

“And did she run or keep watching on the sly.”

“On the sly?”

“Did she pretend to do something else, like read a magazine, while sneaking peaks at you?”

“No, she kind of watched me the whole time with the phone to her ear. I think she was describing me.”

“Were you wearing your disguise—hat, sunglasses….”

“Yes….”

“Then you should be Ok.”

“Well…”

“Well what?”

“I was jerking off on the hood of my car.”

“You were aiming at the hood of the car?”

“No I was physically on the hood as I jerked off.”

“Spread eagle, balls out? That’s brazen.”

“Uh huh. But I realized later that she might have gotten a look at my license plate.”

“Seems reasonable.”

“What should I do?”

“Deny it.”

“I can’t.”

“Sure you can. Tell them it wasn’t your car. Tell them they got the plate wrong.”

“Well…”

“Well what?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Uncomplicate it.”

“Right before I came I hopped off, pulled the parking brake, hopped back on, and ghost road my car by the entrance…all while masturbating”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not. And 10 other people saw me. I’m sure someone else got the license plate too.”

“Jesus. Was it worth it?”

“I guess.”

“Was there music?”

“…no”

“You hesitated. There was wasn’t there? Please tell me your stereo was playing something.”

“Chumba Wumba’s Tubthumping.”

“No fucking way. Hahahaha”

“It’s not funny”

“Fuck yeah it is. I love that song.”

“It’s pretty good I guess.”

“When did that come out?”

“I don’t know…early 90’s?”

“…I get knocked down , but I get up again, you’re never going to keep me down…I think I’m going to download that.

“Wonderful.”

“Did Chumba Wumba have any other hits?”

“Fuck, I’m not finished.”

“Sorry. What did you leave out? Did you have a dead hooker strapped to the roof? Were you shouting anti-Semitic slurs?”

“No, nothing like that. I was barking.”

“What the hell is wrong with you?

“I wish I knew.”

“What did it sound like?”

“Woof, woof, woof, woof.”

“Did you stroke on the woofs or the break between woofs?”

“Why is that important?”

“Fuck, man….”

“On the woofs”

“Beginners mistake. Did you shimmy?”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“That song has a good beat. I was curious if you were shrugging your shoulders or swaying your head to the beat.”

“I guess I was swaying my head a little.”

“When was this anyway?”

“20 minutes ago.”

“Fuck. You’re going to get arrested.”

“What should I do?”

“Well, the only advice I really had was to tell you to jerk between woofs.

“That’s helpful.”

“OK, OK. I got an idea.”

“What?”

“Drive back to the Jiffy Lube, park your car, then report it in as stolen. After that, steal a different car and ghost ride again. They won’t be able to pin it on you. They’ll have to assume it is a serial masturbator.

“That might work.”

“Sure it will.”

“Wait, nevermind it won’t work?”

“Why not?”

“I forgot, but in the heat of my orgasm I shouted my name.”

“That’s a pretty big piece to leave out. What did you say exactly?”

“Chris is the ultimate masturbator!”

“Holy f**k Chris, you might have gone to far to come back from this.

“I know, Myke. I know.”

Posted in Funny | Print | 1 Comment »

Broke Trek

Friday, October 3, 2008 by Myke.

I dedicate this new movie recut to the man himself, Right Brain.  XOXO

Posted in Funny | Print | 5 Comments »

MOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wednesday, October 1, 2008 by Myke.

ROFLMAO!  So check this out.  This crazy ass lady decided that after a few drinks she would go scare some kids in her cow costume.  How drunk do you have to be to do this?

  “Do I make you horny baby, do I?”

All I can say is that if that cow came charging at me I would be a little scared too.  At least she had fun before going to jail.  I especially like the part about her pissing on her neighbors porch…while in costume.

http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/17589970/detail.html

Posted in WTF, Funny | Print | 6 Comments »

My music tribute to Chris Cairy

Tuesday, September 30, 2008 by Myke.

Chris - This is your music tribute.

Everyone else - Chris is kind of left in the dark on music and has not heard of quite a few of the songs.  Silly little white boy.

“Hot in Here” - Not the original but even better.

“I Like Dogs” - All I can say is…ghei with a beastiality fetish.

“Juke Box Hero” - This kid is cool and the song is great.

“Welcome to the Jungle” - This 80’s band with a freak of nature crack head for a lead singer.

“Apologize” - Timbaland featuring One Republic…this one is for the wife.

“2 Pump Chump” - Some half eaten oreo cookie wannabe group giving us the truth.

“Ali baba sand gigger money theme” - My tribute to the bitches in the sand. If you listen carefully, I swear he is singing about being a retard.

And last but not least, the tribute to music from the 20’s to the 00’s.

My point here Chris is simple. Expand your music collection and listening habits. It is okay to be a white boy once in a while.

Posted in Music/Movie, Funny | Print | 2 Comments »

Can you feel it?!?

Friday, September 26, 2008 by Myke.

We have all had those moments in our life when we are seconds away from a very painful encounter.  Whether it be watching a toddler come running at you with your hands full and they make a mad dash at your nuts.  No stopping it, it just happens.  Well, we have now got photo proof of the moments right before the agony of pain.  I warn you now, some of these are very painful in the making.

           

               

I am sorry but the bull horn through the shin and up the ass are the worst for me.

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