Welcome everyone to the debate of Global Warming.  Today we will be asking our guests questions in regards to Global Warming and ask that they not only answer the question but provide some sort of facts to back their statements.  Today we will be talking to Myke Reinhold from [1] ihatemykereinhold.com and the author of the famous [2] Global Warming Big Footarticle.  We will also be talking with Al Gore and Love Child from Green Peace.  Sorry, neither of these two guests has written or spoken anything worth while.

Okay, with everyone here, let’s begin.

Gore - “Um, excuse me…what do you mean provide actual facts?  Can I just provide what I feel is true or do you need rock solid scientific facts?  I guess I was understanding this was to prove my point and no one else’s.”

Reinhold - “Hey Gore, have another Big Mac and prepared to be educated.  This is a debate to prove fact over your 4th grade education.”

Gore - <sniff sniff> “Okay.”

Love Child - “Kittens are so cute and fun to play with.  Did you know that I have not shaved my legs in 3 years?  It keeps me so warm in the winter.”

Reinhold - “Hey Love Child, if Global Warming is such an issue then why are you worried about keeping yourself warm?  Dumb ass.”

Panel - “Mr. Gore, you say that you have proven facts that Global Warming is a major issue and you have been quoted as saying, ‘We, the people of Earth, will soon be living just like the people in that movie Water World.’  What proof do you have and what makes you think that water will consume the world?

Gore - “Um, well, let’s see here.  Water already covers 90% of the planet today.  If all of the ice at the North pole and South Pole were to melt, that would cover the other 15% of the planet.”

Reinhold - “Excuse me.  Water only covers about 70% of the planet, not 90%.  Of that 70%, there is only about 2% to 3% of fresh water.  Plus, 90% plus 15% equals 105% you uneducated fruit basket.”

Love Child - “Wow, like peace and harmony man.”

Gore - “90 plus 15 is not 105…oh who cares.  You say tomato I say apple.”

Panel - “Myke, you have been quoted and have written that ‘warming trends’ are not accurate as folks like Gore have said.  You also have said that a modest amount of Global warming would actually help our planet.  can you please explain this?”

Reinhold - “Of course I will.  Our most reliable sources of temperature data show no global warming trend.
Satellite readings of temperatures in the lower troposphere (an area scientists predict would immediately reflect any global warming) show no warming since readings began 23 years ago. These readings are accurate to within 0.01ºC,
and are consistent with data from weather balloons. Only land-based temperature stations show a warming trend, and these stations do not cover the entire globe, are often contaminated by heat generated by nearby urban development, and are subject to human error.  A modest amount of global warming, should it occur, would be beneficial to the natural world and to human civilization. Temperatures during the Medieval Warm Period (roughly 800 to 1200 AD), which allowed the Vikings to settle presently inhospitable Greenland, were higher than even the worst-case scenario reported by the IPCC. The period from about 5000-3000 BC, known as the “climatic optimum,” was even warmer and marked “a time when mankind began to build its first civilizations,” observe James Plummer and Frances B. Smith in a study for Consumer Alert. “There is good reason to believe that a warmer climate would have a similar effect on the health and welfare
of our own far more advanced and adaptable civilization today.”

Gore - “Oh, and I suppose you have actually spoken to a Viking and he told you this?  Pssh.  Whatever!”

Reinhold - “Actually Gore, textbooks and scientific documents prove this.  If you actually looked into this and got past the 4th grade, you might actually understand what is being said.”

Love Child - “Hands across America people…make love not war.  bring the soldiers home.”

Gore - “What books?  What documents?  Huh?  Can you answer that wise guy?”

Panel - “Okay, let’s move on.  What does everyone think of the Kyoto Protocol?”

Love Child - “Oh wow, like they make the most beautiful and mother nature inspired music.  I love them.  I hope I see them at Woodstock soon.”

Gore - “This protocol is the only way to save our planet.”

Reinhold - “He he.  You are a funny man Gore.  Efforts to quickly reduce human greenhouse gas emissions would be costly
and would not stop Earth’s climate from changing. Reducing U.S. carbon dioxide emissions to 7 percent below 1990’s levels by the year 2012–the target set by the Kyoto Protocol–would require higher energy taxes and regulations causing the nation to lose 2.4 million jobs and $300 billion in annual economic output. Average household income nationwide would fall by $2,700, and state tax revenues would decline by $93.1 billion due to less taxable earned income and sales, and lower property values. Full implementation of the Kyoto Protocol by all participating nations would reduce global temperature in the year 2100 by a mere 0.14 degrees Celsius.”

Gore - “Wrong.  With this protocol in place we will save the planet, Polar Bears can roam the ice for food and we will not be swimming in water in the near future.”  You keep throwing these quote unquote facts out there but have yet to prove anything.”

Reinhold - “You know the sad part about you Gore, you actually got to run for President.  You lost fair and square and then went on the McD’s diet and gained like 75 pounds.  If you actually applied the time you spend bitching and eating on actually learning something, you might be half smart.  But until then, you are a joke and so is your campaign to promote Global Warming.”

Gore - “Pssh.”

Love Child - “Oops, was that me?  Sorry, I had tree bark and grubs for lunch.”

Reinhold - “You have started such a panic with the general public that in my mind, you could actually be considered a terrorist.  You lie to promote chaos.  You have caused the American people to spend so much money.  You alone have caused jobs to be lost and people to lose so much money.”

Panel - “Well, I think we have seen enough here.  Love Child, please go back to humping and loving trees.  Gore, well, please just go away.  Myke, it has been a pleasure talking to you again and we look forward to hearing more from you.”

Reinhold - “Thank you.  I would just like to finish off by saying that each person needs to think for themselves and learn the facts.  Do not accept facts from uneducated people.  If you truly believe that Global Warming is an issue, then please feel free to bid on my ocean front property down in New Mexico.  Global Warming is a scam.  The only reason I see that this scam was created was to allow the Environmental groups to raise billions of dollars, which they have. cause a global scare that is not backed by any actual facts. Why is it that when a debate is started about this, these groups can never actually provide proof or factual data?  It is time for us to step up and stop the hype and crush this scam.”

Gore - “Whatever Mr. Big Words and fancy shoes.  Whatever.”

This post has been brought to you by [3] Travis’s Brain Dump.  Thanks Travis and thanks to Carrie Reinhold for conducting the interview.